Golf Jokes - Expensive Green Fees

Deep in the Amazon jungle, a group of archaeologists had been tolling really hard, clearing creepers and rampant, and choking undergrowth, from the faint traces of a Lost City.

Their excitement mounted as the place's extraordinary purpose became evident.

Broad, winding avenues of giant flagstones had deep, narrow, perfectly circular holes every few hundred yards. It had to be .... a golf course!

Any doubt was dispelled by the discovery of stone panels depicting human figures using primitive prototypes of irons or putters.

Next step was to interrogate local Indian tribesmen about traditions associated with the prehistoric golf club. And yes, the tribes did have legends of Old Ones who followed a daily ritual with the clubs and balls, until routed by tragedy.

Watching a particularly aged elder chattering to the interpreter, a Professor murmured wistfully, "If only we knew why they gave up golf, making it vanish for centuries before rediscovery."

The interpreter nodded eagerly and relayed the query.

The elder, made a sweeping gesture at the jungle, and replied tersely.

"Simple," was the translation, "they couldn`t afford the green fees."

Golf Term - What's a Par?

Basically it refers to the number of shots identified as the average score for any particular hole.

For example, if the hole is designated as a Par 4, then, any golfer is expected to average 4 shots from the tee box to the hole.

For any given hole, it would either be a Par 3, a Par 4 or a Par 5, nothing less and nothing more.

Any golfer will aim to shoot less than the average score.

The combination of all 18 holes will be a course's average score, such as, Par 70, Par 71 or Par 72 course.

If a golfer shoots less than the combined 18 holes average score, then he has scored "under par". Similarly, if he shoots more that the 18 holes average score, then he is said to have scored "over par".

For example, if his total score is 69 at a 72 par course, then he has scored "3 under par 72".

Golf Jokes - Addressing The Ball

Al had a poor round today, so he decided to skip the clubhouse and started to go home.

As he was about to get into his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, "Did you tee off on the seventeenth hole about twenty minutes ago?"

"Yes," Al responded.

"Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?"

"Yes, I did. How did you know?" Al asked.

"Well," said the policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out onto the road and crashed through a driver's windshield. The car went out of control, crashing into four other cars and a fire truck. The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the whole building burned down. So, what are you going to do about it?"

Al thought it over carefully and responded, "I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb."

Golf Term - what's a Driving Range?

It is basically a practice area reserved for newbies and old hands to hit as many balls as you need ... and the best part is you do not need to retrieve them.

Unlike on a golf course, no score is kept, which is the guilty pleasure of any golf lover.

Use the range to do whatever you wish with your swing - tweak it, try something new, correct it ... get the "rhythm" of your swing and use that in the course. To enjoy the game, do not start tweaking whilst playing at the course - use the driving range instead!

Have Fun!

First Post ... On The First Tee

In life, there is always the first time for everything - first step, first word, first kiss. You name it, there's always the first time; well, this is my first post.

I haven't been in the game for too long, only slightly over a year. There's a lot of things that I have learned so far, and a lot more things to learn I'm told. A buddy of mine did warn me at the start that this is a learning game, and patience is a must have club in your bag.

I'll share with you, whatever I've bogeyed across before and whatever I'll be birdie-ing in the future - from golf tips to golf courses, and the occasional jokes to keep your sanity intact whilst enduring this game. In golf, the more the merrier I would say 'coz I think the golf courses are big enough to accommodate all of us ... we have about 200 golf courses across this tiny land called Malaysia ... so, a lot of yardage to be shared!

Thank you for watching ...